Substituting a Life
by Undead Fangirlsama
Summary: Hi, my names Church. Well, it's actually Harley Philips but a rather painful meeting with a door resulted in waking up to a world of lucky idiots, scary Freelancers and crazy AI. Now if I can survive the Freelancer years, I might just be able to save not only myself, but my new brothers and sister. May the Force be with me. (RvB belongs to Rooster Teeth)
1. Chapter 1

**Dreamer: Just an idea a buddy helped me make. Let me know what you think!**

 **Primus: Why am I here?**

 **Dreamer: Because I worship you and am your stalker.**

 **Primus: ...**

 **Dreamer: ENJOY FOLKS I HAVE STAL- _WORK_ TO DO!**

 **Primus: Frag me.**

 **Key-**

 _"Singing, or AI speaking."_

 **"Radio."**

 _ **"Spanish." (Translation.)**_

"Normal."

 **Message.**

 _Thoughts._

 ** _Sound effects._**

* * *

 _"I came, I saw, tore down these walls_  
 _Block one way, I'll find another  
You know you'll always be discovered  
If it's me, you choose, I can't lose  
I'm in love with you, if you love me too, yeah"_

I sung as I danced around my room, the opening to Army of Two by Olly Murs playing through the TV as it displayed YouTube on my Xbox360. I'd been trying to figure out what to do with myself after finishing watching Season 8 episodes 'Upon Further Review' and 'Recovering One' from Red vs Blue. _Again._

If there were two three things I was addicted to it was Transformers, Halo and Red vs Blue. Depending on my mood, those three were in random order. The only reason I hadn't gone to watch Season 13 episodes 'The End is Near' and 'The End' was because my sister didn't need to come in to see me crying and arguing with the TV. I swore she just sat out there and waited for me to do something like that.

Noel seemed to have some other form of entity on her side that warned her. If I knew for a fact there was no such thing as ghosts, I'd be terrified that Granny was making this happen in spite of me.

The song continued to play as I thought on what was happening around me. I was nearly done school and the world could be at my finger tips. I still had to find a job and figure out what I was gonna do about my car situation. My old junker had broken down and I was stuck taking my mums jeep every time I needed to go somewhere, though that was mostly to go find my dad and help him.

My options for the future were still very much open, and I had yet to figure out what I wanted to do with myself. My uncle had offered me a job as a part time ranch hand and I was still debating on accepting. The perk was getting to drive all the machinery.

The reason I hadn't flat out said I'd take the job was because I wanted something more. Call me unoriginal but an adventure sounded damn fun from my point of view.

"HARLEY!" Blown from my thoughts and sent stumbling over a pile of clothes I'd shoved into the corner, I looked like a loon swinging my arms around trying to regain my balance. There was only one thought running through my head as my face fell towards the door knob.

 _That's gonna fragging hurt later._

* * *

Floating. I will describe it as just that. Nothing else. You feel like you are underwater and letting the calm water hold you up.

I was never the kid who would either sink or float. I didn't stay above the water nor did I sink like a rock to the bottom, instead, I'd sink a few feet and just hang there like there was no gravity on my body. It used to drive me nuts.

Now, it was... I don't know how to describe it.

I was floating and that's all I realized. There was no light. No darkness. No dreams.

There was me and then there was the floating.

Hours, days, months, years, hell it could have been seconds for how long I stayed like that. Undisturbed by the outside world as I just floated. I couldn't tell you how long I was like that. I was unsure myself.

The feeling of just floating out of sight and out of mind still lingers even now.

But like all good things, it had to end.

I could have done without the pain afterwards though. That hurt like a bitch.

* * *

I woke up feeling like I'd been stepped on by Megatron, used as a chew toy, then given to Sarge to put holes into me with a shotgun. If you haven't noticed; I hurt like fuck.

My very core felt like something was missing. Several things actually.

I tried to open my eyes but it did nothing. I was suspended, attached to nothing and yet at the same time everything. I couldn't see anything and my first conclusion was that I was blind. That lead to questions.

Why was I blind?

How had it happened?

When had it happened?

Where was I?

Where was my family?

What would I do now?

Simple questions with complicated answers. Answers that gave me a processorache.

"Alpha," The silence was destroyed by a familiar voice. "Alpha log on."

I knew that voice. Where had I heard that voice?

 _"Alpha, the Director wishes to speak with you."_ I damn well knew those voices.

 _"Protocol dictates you can not ignore him. He has given you an order Alpha."  
_

 _"Delta?"_ I hadn't meant to speak. I hadn't meant for the damn lights to turn on and become surrounded by screen after screen of data and video feeds. I was in a giant fucking sphere of data, floating like there was no gravity.

 _"Alpha? What is wrong? Shall I notify the Direc-"_

 _"No."_ Things were falling into place as my 'eyes' roamed from video feed. Time seemed to slow down as I let shock run though me.

 _Fragging mutated toasters of a fucking mother board._ I thought in horror. Suddenly a green armoured figure appeared beside me that I knew all to well.

 _"Alpha wh- Alpha?"_ Delta had paused, looking at the video feeds around me while I just let fake gravity take hold and crumpled to the floor on my knees, or should I say _Alpha's_ knees.

All around us, video feeds started popping up from every camera aboard the Mother of Invention. I watched York flirt with Carolina. Maine, Washington and Wyoming were playing poker. North and South were arguing like, well, _siblings_. CT was disusing something with Florida. The counselor was in his office working on updating the Freelancer files and the Director...

The Director was sitting in his quarters looking like a worn out man while he looked at the console in front of him.

 _"You're not the Alpha."_ It was a statement that sent me reeling. I sounded like him. I probably looked like him. In all ways but mind, I _was_ Alpha aka one Leonard Church.

 _"No."_ I said stiffly as I just looked around in fear. I was trapped and I was an AI.

 _Ain't that a bitch._ I thought before looking at the AI who seemed to be analyzing me.

 _"Who are you then?"_ Delta finally asked, his weapon disappearing. I frowned. I'd never seen Delta without his weapon, not that I could really recall much of the Freelancer section of Red vs Blue. It sort of depressed me when I thought about what had happened to them. I could in no way relate to how painful any of that could have felt for Carolina.

 _"Harley."_ I said uneasily, looking up at the green AI in front of me. _"My name is Harley."_

My thoughts traveled to my family. My mother, Noel, even Toothless, our mean looking Russian Blue who was a big softy.

Suddenly, the video feeds ceased and were replaced by new images. Images of mum and Noel swimming while I sat on the docks. Toothless sucking up after being caught sleeping in the sink. Even me, looking at myself in the mirror as I posed like a nerd. That one quickly disappeared out of embarrassment.

 _"What are you doing here?"_ Delta asked as a holographic hand appeared before me. I looked up at Delta as he held his hand out for me to take, and I took it, though I was very hesitantly. With a squawk of surprise I was pulled to my feet. I hadn't expected that. I felt like there was solid ground under me and had nearly stumbled into Delta when he pulled. I think I liked it better when I was floating.

 _"I don't know."_ I said, looking back up at the images that seemed to circle us slowly now. _"I woke up here."_

Delta was quiet as we both digested my words. Suddenly a much larger screen popped up. A video feed of my room. Of my perspective as I _danced_ (How embarrassing) around my room listening to Army of Two right before my mum called my name. I tripped, and you could see the door handle approaching. I heard my own shout through the video feed as I hit the door knob with my forehead then not a second later someone came barging in, smashing the rest of the door into my head and everything turned black as my sister stood panicking in my doorway.

My first thought was I was dreaming all of this. I probably had a serious concussion thanks to that one. I don't know how I couldn't have one after that. I knew I was a tad bit obsessed with Red vs Blue, but this was the first time I'd ever dreamed about it.

 _"Harley, do you know where you are?"_ Delta asked me.

 _"No."_ Pause and I growled. _"Yes. Mother of Invention, Charon-Class Light Frigate and mobile command center to Project Freelancer."_

Now, I knew what the name and what the ship was for, the rest of that appeared out of no where. I scowled as more images of the ship started to appear.

I swear these images were reacting to my mind.

 _"Correct, we are both aboard the Mother of Invention."_ Dream Delta was approaching this like I was a child.

 _"It's not possible. I can't be Alpha."_ I growled. More images. My home. My school. My friends. My town. My adventures since I was a kid! All of it started to appear and over lap each other. _"I am Harley Philips, age sixteen, born September 8th 1998, I have an older sister Noel and a cat named Toothless. I_ can't _be the Alpha AI."_

More and more images started appearing and started getting closer and closer.

 _"HARLEY!"_ The panic stopped as a hand came out of no where and smacked me over the head. I jumped back just as the images completely disappeared, nursing my now sore head. Question, how the hell does and AI get a sore head? Or a person in a dream for that matter.

 _"You have to stay focused. If you don't then there will be too much data for you to process and it will over run you're systems and destroy you."_ Delta ordered in a stern voice like an older brother telling his younger siblings that if they didn't behave they didn't get candy. Ironic really.

I took a deep breathe (or what dream me could) and slowed my breathing down until I was back down to a normal level of freaked out.

 _"Harley, you are the Alpha AI now."_ I whimpered at the thought. A female stuck as Church. Fucking lovely. _"What you think is what you believe but you can't forget logic here."_

 _"It can't be possible though."_ I whimpered.

 _"Think of a place and imagine yourself there Harley. It will help."_ I nodded before the first place I could think of popped up in my head. The black world and data sphere disappeared and Blood Gulch took its place. How fucking glorious. I need to get another hobby, seriously.

 _"This will be a problem. The Director is waiting for Alpha..."_ Delta turned towards me and I shuddered. I had a bad feeling about this. _"It looks like we will have to improvise."_

I thought only Carolina could say something like that and make someone feel horror. Apparently, her father's AI creations could do the same thing.

* * *

 _That lousy son of a bitch._ I thought as I made myself appear on the projector in the Directors quarters and looked at the broken man in front of me. Epsilon wasn't kidding on how time seemed so different to an AI. What felt like twenty minutes of instructions on how I could do things and what not to do, Delta had given me the go ahead to talk with the Director. I had a feeling somewhere he'd seen spoilers for what was to come. I also think he saw Epsilon in the Capture Unit growling about the idiots on his team.

I was now having to play the role of Church.

 _"Yeah, what do you want?"_ I demanded. _"I was checking the systems you know because someone has to do this fucking bull shit. And don't get me started on those faulty alarms that some asshole keeps setting off. Do you have any idea who-"_

"That is enough Alpha." The Director said and mental me jumped back with an 'Eep!'. The Director was still scary.

 _"Don't panic Harley."_ Delta said to me thought the Director never heard him.

"I need you're help determining the next team for data retrieval on the oil platform. Bring up the schematics would you, please." It may have come up automatically to the Director, but for me, it took me a moment to find what he wanted.

Delta had figured out it was easier for me to visualize to myself then think it out just in my head, so he'd set it up so I could search for things easier and do tasks faster then if I was just stumbling around. AI time rules. I sent a message to Delta thanking him.

 _"Here it is."_ The oil platform was the next mission, South, North and Carolina's mission. Oh goody.

 _"The oil platform is heavily guarded with both standard and higher level Insurrectionists. These fuckers don't mess around."_ I snorted. I really, really hope I'm convincing enough. Dream or not, the Director is one scary ass mother fucker. _"I'd say our best team would be the North and South with Carolina on stand by in case something goes wrong. Though, I doubt something will."  
_

I stumbled a bit on that one.

"You calculate this as the best team?" I huffed, mentally screaming at myself as I crossed my arms over my chest. Stupid holographic armor.

 _"Of course I did. You would have too, just at a slower pace then I could."_ The Director didn't look pleased with my

"Arrogance is unbecoming Alpha." He warned and my head tilted down in shame. I think that is what normal people call the disappointed father voice.

 _"My apologies."_ I grumbled before bringing up the newest Intel on the platform.

Looking at me for a moment, I had to keep down a shiver as the Director nodded.

"Send a message to Agents Carolina, North Dakota, and South Dakota. They are to prepare immediately." I growled.

 _"You could use her name once and a while you know. She's not just some other agent,_ Director _, she's you're daughter."_ With that I logged out of the projector and returned to my beautiful Blood Gulch where Delta was waiting.

 _"You were doing fine until the end."_ Delta reprimanded as I stood there. I was getting annoyed with having to look like Church all the time. I never thought I'd say it, but I missed my boobs! There was nothing to flaunt now! I'd have to cry over my missing female body once Delta was gone. I was not going to further embarrass myself thank you very much.

 _"And she's his daughter. If he pushes her away now, that will come back and bite him in the future. She's a person, not a damn machine."_ More screens appeared. As I typed in the same message to each of them.

 **Be ready for deployment in an hour.**

 _"I understand that Harley, but humans don't just change in one day."_ Delta scolded.

I scowled before letting Church's sniper train onto a couple cans that appeared further down the canyon. Even if it was just a computer simulation I'd created, I made sure that the bullets were where the simulation intended instead of just making them hit their targets. I'd never really used a sniper rifle, sure a shotgun or normal 22 in real life, but not a sniper rifle. I used the scope and zoomed in on the target about fifty yards away.

I slowed my breathing down, closed my eyes for a second just to reopen them and line up the target.

 ** _BANG!_**

My ears were ringing at the volume of the sniper rifle going off right by my ear. Jerking a little in surprise I looked at Delta who coughed after making a choking noise, before back down the canyon.

 _"Son of a bitch!"_ I shouted as I growled at the still standing target.

 _"It seems even if you are not Alpha, you have his bad aim."_ I pouted before bringing the rifle back up for a second time.

 _"This time, this time for sure."_ I growled.

 _ **BANG!**_

 _"DAMMIT!"_

 ** _BANG!_**

 _"NO GOOD TIN CAN!"_

 _"I do not believe yelling will solve anything."_

 ** _BANG!_**

 _"Stupid fragging tin cans of mutated toasters."_ I growled as I reloaded the weapon in my hands.

After another twenty minutes of firing, and a good couple hundred rounds toasted, Delta put a hand on my shoulder. My head hung in defeat.

 _"Here, let me try."_ He offered, his magnum raising to point at the tin can.

 _"If Alpha can't hit it it what-" **BANG! Tink!** "That's just showing off now. Asshole. Apparently you're the one that ended up with Alpha's ability to aim. Damn." _

_"I can show you how to hit your targets."_

Pause and...

 _"Delta, I have a feeling you'll be showing me a lot on how to do things now."_ There was no way my dream self could be this shitty at aiming. Nor was there a way I could miss after so many rounds. Also, I had data doing as I wished. I was resigning myself to the idea this may not be just some dream.

 _"We are here if you need us. You may not be created as an AI or be the real Alpha, but my coding dictates you are still him. I believe the human term is, 'we're family'."_ I snorted at the irony. If that was the case, instead of being Delta's creator, I was his little sister. And that meant I had more brothers out of the other AI's and one kick ass sister named Tex...

Aw shit my brains fried just thinking about that.

 _"Thank you Delta."_

* * *

 _"So if I do this like this... I can link these up without having to go through that loop hole?"_ I looked between the data screens in front of me. Sitting onto of Red Base, Delta was showing me further use of my new AI powers if you will. A lone screen with several video feeds was following every Freelancer around the ship through the security camera's. I'd even managed to find Agent Texas, back from a secret mission the Director had sent her on.

 _"Yes, this is a faster way for you to gain access to the ships navigation then to look through the files to do so."_ Delta nodded and I looked over at him with a smirk.

 _"You just gave a sixteen year old girl who's never flown before, the metaphorical wheel of a giant spaceship."_ I joked but Delta only shrugged.

 _"I had calculated such and have already taken necessary precautions."_

 _"You just made more copies of yourself didn't you?"_ I said with a raised eyebrow.

 _"If you wish to see it that way, then yes, I have made more copies of myself."_ I rolled my eyes before something sparked in my mind.

 _"Delta, how do you use the PA systems and radios?"_ There was an evil grin that could probably match whatever Omega could make.

 _"Why?"_ Delta asked hesitantly.

 _"Oh, no reason."_

* * *

 **"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world,  
Life is plastic, it's Fantastic!  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere,  
Imagination, life is you're creation,  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!"**

* * *

"ALPHA TURN THAT RACKET OFF!"

 _"I can't figure out where this fucking musics coming from, give me an hour! Jesus! It's annoying the fuck out of me too!"_

* * *

 _"I've always wanted to do this!"_ I cackled as I stood in Blood Gulch watching as Freelancers lost their shit over 'Barbie Girl' playing on repeat over the radio and PA systems.

 _"You will be in trouble if the Director finds out about this."_ Delta said as he watched Agent Maine stalking down the hallway with his hands over his ears and growling like a feral beast.

 _"Meh, live in the moment Delta, tomorrow is never a sure thing."_ I said sagely before grinning evilly as Wyoming continuously smashed his head against the wall trying to get the music out of his head. _"But don't worry, I'll cut it out as soon as this one's over. I think they've suffered enough brain damage already."_

 _"Thank god."_ I paused before looking at Delta who hadn't moved. Hm, maybe I'd just heard something form the Vid Screens. Shrugging I went back to watching the mayhem. So worth it if I got into trouble.

 _I am awesome!_

* * *

 **Dreamer: AND DONE!**

 **Primus: Thank the stars!**

 **Dreamer: I hope you liked the first chapter of Substituting a Life! I know Delta isn't supposed to appear till later but I needed him so he's here early. I figured he'd be the best to sort out a panicked Harley. Maybe by the next chapter she'll have better aim. Also, a shout out to readers. Any pranks or suggestions are always welcome guys!**

 **For more on Substituting a Life Favourite, Follow and Review!**

 **Till Next Time Guys!**

 **HOWLIN' MAD AND LOVIN' IT! ;3**

 **PS. My other stories will be updates soon, promise! Just having trouble making the filler stuff!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dreamer: Hey guys! New chapter!**

 **Sigma: You are stating the obvious.**

 **Dreamer: Yes I am. Anyways, guys thanks for you're support and you're prank idea's on this one! More are always welcome! I'm doing things differently for this one and I'll be answering reviews here at the beginning. So here it goes.**

Guest- Yes, there will be an Epsilon. We still need a real Church somewhere. Harley can only go far, though I think the Reds and Blues are going to be wondering about what happened to the Church they knew. A Freelancer getting hit in the crotch is going to have to happen sooner or later.

Iron-ninja- Prank calls are a must!

wolfimus prime- As you can see, the new chapter is up! Hope you like it!

meep15- I've said the same thing before, a good laugh is needed. I think that's why most of my stuff angles towards making something hilarious happen to my OC's.

Archangel Writings- Substituting a Life will encompass the whole Red vs Blue series. Though how long it will take is the big question. I'm lazy and I'm known for long waits between updates. That and I have trouble with redesigning the story halfway in.

 **Key-**

 _"AI speaking or someone singing."_

 **"Radio."**

 _ **"Spanish." (Translation.**_ _ **)**_

"Normal."

 **Message.**

 _Thoughts._

 _ **Sound effects.**_

* * *

 _ **BEEEP!**_

 **Score: 0  
Shots: 127**

 _"You mother fucking asshole! Stand still!"_

 _ **BEEEP!**_

 **Score: 0  
Shots: 128**

 _"If you keep getting frustrated with you're target, you'll make it harder for yourself."_

 _"I know that Delta! I have done this before."_

 ** _BEEEP!_**

 **Score: 0  
Shots: 129**

 _"I give up with this."_ I growled, throwing the holographic ball in my hand at a random rock. My eye was twitching when the rock I'd randomly thrown the ball at exploded suddenly when the ball hit it. _"Oh that's fucking ridicules."_

 _"You should take a break before you destroy something again."_ Delta urged and I sighed. _"You seem distracted, is something on you're mind Harley?"_

I looked at the green AI, giving him a nodded before bringing up what had been playing in front of my vision while I'd been throwing the ball.

 _"I'm worried."_ I motioned at the video feeds from South's helmet as she made her way along the platform. North advising her to set her motion trackers.

 _"The twins?"_ Delta watched with me as South took out two guards. Silence reigned before Delta spoke. _"You're worried about the future."_

 _"A butterfly effect could do more damage then I could predict."_ I murmured, turning away from the screen.

 _"I will have to speak with Sigma on this,"_ I froze at the rouge AI's name. If Delta noticed I couldn't tell you, he just continued, giving no indication. _"He would know more on this, and maybe, we can help him as well. He is my brother after all."_

 _If I help Sigma, then I could stop the Meta, and half my work will be done._ I thought, happiness started to creep in on me.

 _"Thank you Delta. You should return to York now. I'm sure he's wondering where you've gotten too."_ I said as I watched South's camera pick up on the Insurrectionist complaining. The same one from Episode 2 of Season 9.

 _"Of course Harley. You know how to get a hold of me if you need any help."_ Delta would have saw a mischievous grin if I didn't' have a helmet on.

 _"I'll cause a rather knowing disturbance I assure you."_ I laughed when Delta turned to me silently, the unspoken 'Don't cause too much trouble' hanging in the air as a silent order before he disappeared from the MOI systems. _"Now, to fix something. Maybe make South a little less... Bitchy."_

I made up a quick message and sent it directly to the female twin. She paused mid step, faltering, causing North to start asking what was wrong. My message?

 **Put you're damn motion tracker on. If you don't, you'll lose you're position on the board. ~ AC**

"South what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm setting my motion tracker. Give me a minute." I turned to the feed on the bridge of the Mother of Intervention. The Director was watching the proceedings with narrowed eyes. "North, do we know anyone named AC?"

The Directors eyes turned to the camera's and I felt his glare.

 **Score  
** **Alpha: 1  
Universe: 0**

 _"That should fix you're wagon. Now, I'm not going to call you all Agent's for the rest of my existence."_ Making the helmet on my head disappear, I made all the files of Project Freelancer appear in front of me. I'd fixed the avatar so at least when I took the helmet off, I could at least see my face. It was weird still hearing Church's voice instead of mine, but Delta's presence had kept me from another panic attack. Off to the side, the camera feeds from Carolina, North and South were still showing. I'd copy those to personal files to review. I needed to learn how to fight, and I figure it would be best to learn form the best. Maybe my aim would improve. _"I need names, hm... Oh lord is that really his name?!"_

* * *

 _"This place would be paradise if I knew the real Blood Gulch wasn't so damn hot."_ I sighed, laying in the grass just enjoying the face sun of the world I'd created for myself. Suddenly, a screen appeared, blocking the sun and I glared at the face on it.

"Alpha, log on now." Dare I say I was about to get scolded. Sighing, I dispersed the screen and stood up, re-materializing my helmet and making myself appear in the Director's quarters once again.

 _"Yes?"_ I asked in boredom.

"Did you send a message to Agent South Dakota to put on her motion tracker?" I mentally congratulated myself. I pissed off the Director. No one was supposed to know of my existence.

 _"No, I'm not supposed to reveal my existence to the any of the Freelancer Agents remember?"_ I said sarcastically, folding my arms over my chest. _"It came from the same virus that plagued the systems earlier with that fucking ridicules music."_

"A virus? Has it entered our files?"

 _"Not yet, but it's got every system on the ship under a hair trigger. It seems to have come from the last message from our dear friend, Chairman Hargrove. It was embedded in the signal. It came from a terminal on the Staff of Charon but it seems they too are having security issues."_

 _And I had nothing to do with their ship suddenly having several slip space coordinates locked into it in a row._ I mentally added the last part, a grin hidden behind my helmet.

"It posses a threat then, how can we get rid of it?" The Director asked sitting back in his chair.

 _"We can't. I tried something earlier, and it moved closer to doing whatever it was that the virus was initially designed for."_ My mind went to Season 11 and what happened to the Reds and Blues ride home. I wouldn't make it happen, but maybe there would be a few little quirks going on. _"What I can tell you about the fucking thing is that it's designed to make every person on this ship miserable and fucking pissed. I can't counteract much of it since it's on a random timer but I'll see what I can do something does happen."_

I was gonna enjoy the tormenting.

"Very well Alpha."

 _Let me log off now._

"I need you're help with determining the teams for the next mission."

 _"Sure thing."_

 _Fuck me. Why the fuck do I get Church's bad luck?_

* * *

 _"Harley?"_ A familiar voice called as I sat in Blue base hugging my sniper rifle.

 _"I'm not home! Go away!"_ I shouted, scooting into the corner further. The glowing beast in front of me growing bigger and bigger by the second as it got ready to blow.

 _Gotta get out of the blast radius._

 _"If you're going to hide, then you shouldn't reveal yourself."_ A new voice added and I froze.

 _"I'd thought it would be less rude then a 'SHOVE THE FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!'"_ I shouted.

 _Shit, mission abort. MISSION ABORT!_ I thought, scrambling to get up and reappear behind the orange and green duo standing in front of Blue Base's front door. I grabbed the two, dragging them backwards and to one of the nearby rocks just before the microwave exploded, taking Blue Base with it.

 _"Oh, hi Delta! What are you doing here?"_ I asked, sitting up and looking at the two AI fragments who were looking between me and the burning remains of what would be my future base.

 _"You're Harley?"_ Sigma's voice and face conveyed how much he was very much unimpressed.

 _"I'd like to think so since it is my name, yes."_ I retorted sarcastically, standing up to survey what had happened. A moment later, Blue Base was back and the fire and smoke dispersed. _"Word of advice, smart phones in this day and age are more explosive then the 21st Century. Don't stick them in a microwave."_

Delta smacked me and I grabbed my head, trying to sooth the new lump that was about to form.

 _"Harley, I believe you know my brother Sigma. Sigma this is Harley. The virus I was telling you about."_ I glared at Delta.

 _"I'm not a virus."_ I growled.

 _"You are a mystery though."_ Sigma stood up, circling me like a science project...

 _"Dude, you're creeping me the fuck out. Stop that."_ I said, making the exploding holographic ball return to my hand. It wasn't a grenade. I check. It was something that I'd just created for fun here in the canyon. Delta wouldn't let me make grenades... I think he saw the memory of me talking about what I'd do with a grenade once with some random guy in my math class. Let's say I think he's scared I'll blow myself up.

 _"Delta found something interesting about you Alpha and he consulted me on it before we came her. I must say, a human suddenly infecting an AI is certainly a most unusual circumstance."_ Sigma stopped beside Delta. I couldn't resist the shiver that shook my armour.

 _"I'd think so."_ I snorted, crossing my arms over my chest armour.

 _"At least you have his attitude."_ Sigma sighed, dare I say in relief. _"It will make it easier to hid you're existence if no one know's you're actu-"_

"Alpha log on!" Sigma was interrupted by the demanding shout of the Director. Delta looked at me before a Vid Screen popped up, showing several area's of the ship where people were floating around due to zero gravity aboard the ship. I started giggling at the sight of Florida trying to swim to a wall so he wasn't just floating around in the middle of the training room. Carolina, who'd just returned, was bouncing from wall to wall and magnetizing herself so she could make her way more steadily. South and North had followed her lead, though heading towards their rooms.

 _"Hold that thought Sigma. Big Boss is calling."_ I said after finally controlling my giggles, appearing on the rather empty bridge where the Director held a solid grip on the control console in front of him. Several of the white armoured Freelancer soldiers were floating near the roof.

"What happened Alpha?" He asked lowly, green eyes turning to the Counsellor who was floating with an hand on consoles on either side of him.

 _"Well it appears the gravity on the ships malfunctioned."_ I said sarcastically. A glare was thrown my way.

"I want real answers Alpha. _Why_ was the gravity turned off?" I shrugged.

 _"The virus turned the gravity off. I'm working on it as we speak."_ Not a second later, I watched as every soldier who'd been on the roof dropped to the ground like a bucket of falling water. _"There we go."_

The Director glared at me and I just shrugged before logging myself off and back into Blood Gulch, breaking down once more into a fit of laughter.

Maine had been walking on the ceiling towards the bridge when gravity kicked on, he managed to not land on his head. Wyoming had been crawling along the wall with Wash when he'd landed on the younger man which lead to them landing on an unfortunate soul who'd been following them. CT and York had been the only ones magnetized to the floor so when gravity kicked back on they'd been safe, not so much for the other soldiers though in the mess hall. They'd all landed in less then dignified piles. Florida... Well, let's just say he'd made 10 points for his rather amazing landing. And not the splat kind. I was starting to wonder about my to-be bodyguard. Maybe I could save him too... Hm...

 _"I thought my order was for you to stay out of trouble."_ Delta asked me in exasperation.

 _"You're the reason for the rather odd call Carolina and the twins had earlier."_ I gulped when I looked at Sigma. A second later, a Vid Screen was showing the interior of a pelican with a rather peeved looking Carolina, an exasperated North and a South who had her ears covered with no helmet on, appeared just beside the orange AI.

Horror filled me. _"FUCK I PISSED OFF CAROLINA!"_

Delta and Sigma didn't find me after that for a while. I only appeared when the Director needed me then disappeared back into my hiding spot. I don't care if Carolina doesn't know about Alpha AI's existence. She is one very scary lady and I just pissed her off.

...Yes, I'm more afraid of Carolina then Maine.

...It's not gonna stop me from pulling more stunts though again. I was finally able to indulge in my pranking side.

* * *

"And don't call me Connie," I listened, watching from my hidie hole as Wash talked with CT. "Makes me sound like a fucking kid. Call me CT."

CT started walking out of the room, leaving a rather unsure Wash behind her. "Oh? And that line I talked about? You better hurry up and figure out what side you are on, Agent Washington, before they figure it out for you."

 _And I rather liked Connie better. You seemed more harmless._ I thought before turning to the memories. When you get turned into an AI, every memory is like a movie, thus, re-watching Red vs Blue was a breeze.

 _"So Tex comes in about n-"_ I was cut off by someone grabbing me around the neck and pulling me backwards. I didn't even get a chance to squeak as I desperately tried to break the hold as panic consumed me.

First thought. _Shit._

Second? _I'M BEING KIDNAPPED!_

Yeah, I need to remember I'm an AI now. This is ridicules.

 _"Who the fuck are you? Start talking or I'll kill you."_ I heard Church's voice say which brought me up short.

 _"Omega?"_ I hissed as my neck was squeezed further.

 _"I asked who you were-"_

 _"Omega, release Alpha immediately."_ I did _not_ go hide behind the orange AI as soon as I was released by the AI of Rage. I _didn't._ I'm sure the grey and black AI was glaring at me. I could sense it.

 _"She's not Alpha! She's-"_

 _"She is a young girl who you've both scared and treated in such a manner that is despicable, Omega. She is who she is, and she will be treated with respect."_ Sigma said in a stern voice, looking at the other AI with a look I would almost say was... concern? His words puzzled me but I shrugged them off. He'd come and rescued me, and that was good enough. Besides, every character in Red vs Blue had rather odd personalities. Sigma was a part of Church and I had no doubt there would be a few that matched up.

 _"If I hadn't been scared I'd been worrying about my mental health further than I already am."_ I hissed before glaring daggers at _"Learn some manners! Who sneaks up on a sixteen year old and goes 'Oh I'm going to just grab her by the neck and threaten her life!'. I DID NOT NEED THE EXTRA STRESS!"_

Omega's helmet disappeared when I thought it was annoying that I couldn't see his face when I was yelling at him. The face beneath was an exact replica of the Directors if not twenty years younger.

 _"How d-"_ Omega started but he didn't get to finish as I stepped out from behind Sigma and made a non-exploding ball appear in my hand. Not a second later my arm was back and ready to throw. When my aim missed by a mere inch, I'd materialized another ball and continued the pattern of creating then throwing balls at Omega.

 _"I DARE YOU ASS! WHO DOES THAT!?"_ I ended up adding a few exploding balls into the mix, causing the helmet-less AI to run for cover. I just stood there, a Vid Screen popping up with a score board.

 **HIT-OMEGA:  
Hits: 0  
Near Hits: 38**

When Omega ran out of the cave I'd created to hid in, I'd followed him. Not even noticing I'd nearly run over Delta on my way out. My soul intent was to get Omega, my own rage mixing with my need to relieve my stress. Omega made a perfect target. It wasn't long before I was huffing and puffling (how can a AI huff and puff?) with Omega making better luck of running away. Swapping from normal and exploding balls (again, _not_ grenades) I swapped to the sniper rifle I was bound and determined to learn how to use.

 _"EAT LEAD ASSHOLE!"_ I shouted firing round after round, only stopping to reload. I had to figure out the infinite button for this. No reloading when I was in Cyberspace for me.

I didn't see Delta and Sigma standing on the ridge, evaluating everything with a keenness I'd probably never have.

* * *

 _"Her aim's improved."_ Delta mussed. The constant rhythm of gun shots filled the canyon as the sapphire and fiery red AI firing shot after shot. Harley's control over the world they stood in was remarkable. Most of what he'd witnessed weren't feats of a normal AI, far from even what the REAL Alpha should have been able to do. Here, she was god. Everything was as real as her mind (processor?) seemed to believe.

 _"She's just like her."_ Sigma said, their thoughts going to the video Delta had dug up. They didn't have the full memories of the Director or Alpha like Epsilon would have, but the fragmented memories of the Directors life had appeared to all of them. Omega knew as well as they did, Harley was missing something to her, and they could all feel it.

 _"I still recognize two AI when I see her, Zeta and Alpha."_ Delta thoughts turned to the memories he's seen when he'd gone to talk to Alpha. He knew he wasn't supposed to, the Director had told them as much, but Delta had been curious. He'd seen the real Alpha as a brother, even though he could have been seen as a creation. Logic dictated that the female mindset of Alpha was much like Beta or Agent Texas from the memories Harley had made appear. Zeta, as their coding had named her, had the possibility to be just a memory. Something had happened to the Alpha, and Harley had become much like Texas.

But logic also dictated that what he'd dug up had more to do with it then they could ere calculate. What happened to the girl in the security feeds had something to do with the female AI.

When Harley had confide her fear of what was to come, Delta had reviewed what he saw, and he'd seen more then what had appeared around them. He'd seen all her memories. He'd gone straight to York afterwards, his worry for his partner mixing with Harley's words. Sigma would be away with Carolina till they returned, which gave him time to come up with a solution, and the only one he'd gotten that was that he still need the other Freelancers out of the equation. By adding them in, his answer only took a rather shaky stance.

If he had them removed but not dead, he solved many problems for not only himself, but his brothers and sister as well. Sigma and Maine's actions spoke volumes, and Delta had seen that Harley had come to the same conclusion. If they did something now, Sigma wouldn't be like that. He had a feeling that she'd make things far more complicated in her thoughts though, if she was exactly who she reminded him of.

 _"What are we going to do?"_ Sigma asked.

 _"Nothing."_ Delta said simply.

Sigma looked at his brother ins surprise. He'd expected differently of Delta. _"Nothing?"_

 _"Nothing until Harley figures out what to do for herself."_ Sigma looked at his brother curiously before looking at the blue and red AI who'd remembered she could teleport and appeared behind Omega. She was an amateur, but he believed sheer determination to make the AI of Rage miserable was the reason Omega hadn't been able to pry her off his back yet. _"She's hope. And she's given us some to change the future."_

 _"You're different."_ Sigma's words would seem true in a sense, leaving Delta to just hands reached up as his Magnum disappeared, his helmet disappearing to reveal a face much like Omega's if not a few years older and with a bit of stubble instead of the small beard Omega and the Director wore.

 _"After dealing with Harley for a while, any of us would be different."_ Sigma looked at Delta before his eyes widened as he looked at the less struggling Omega.

 _"He calmed down."_

 _"She is Hope, and that's something we're all going to need in the end. A little Hope."_

* * *

I sneezed suddenly. My grip loosening just enough for Omega to throw me off his back and turn the tables so he was pinning me to the ground. I growled in annoyance.

 _"Say uncle you little twerp."_ Omega taunted and I'm sure my AI form lit on fire like Sigma's.

 _"I'm not little! I'm as tall as you are you fucking ass!" Who ever was talkin' about me better have had a good reason for it._ I sulked. I needed to learn how to fight back, Omega had me beat.

 _"Surrender girl!"_

 _"NEVER!"_

* * *

 **Dreamer: And done! There's the chapter! Let me know what you guys think. And again:**

 **If you have any prank idea's for this or any of my other stories (if you've read them) either leave you're suggestions in you're reviews or PM me!**

 **You guys know the drill. For more on Substituting a Life, Fav, Follow, and Review!**

 **Until next time!**

 **HOWLIN' MAD AND LOVIN' IT! ;3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dreamer: New Chapter! I'm sorry I have no excuse for this taking so long other than I'm being lazy and have spent way too much time reading Naruto and Transformers stories lately. That being said I'll keep this short and get right down to answering reviews.**

Guest- Oh trust me, there are going to be some butterfly effects, not just Harley saving lives. I've got a lot of idea's for this story (like all of my other ones post and just taking up space on my laptop) but its actually putting them down and filling in the spots in my head that is the hard part. I'm glad you've enjoyed my story thus far and I hope you enjoy this new chapter just as much!

wolfimus prime- I managed to get part of you prank into this chapter. What does the fox say indeed? ;3

meep15- I'm always in it for the smiles! I blame my love of comedies and my dad for never making any of my stories really all that serious. Though my out look on Mary Sues (and my poor lungs) will never be the same after a run in with a Lord of the Rings fanfic dedicated to some of the Mary Sues. Hope mine never turn out that bad. Whacha think of this chapter?

Guest- Your prank will probably be in the next chapter for sure. I'm thinking Harley's going to need proper flying lessons soon. Any advice on who this prank should target?

Iron-ninja- I know, I know. Here, new chapter. Please don't kill me! _*Hides behind new chapter and a plate of cookies*_

 **Key-**

 _"Singing, or AI speaking."_

 **"Radio."**

 ** _"Spanish." (Translation.)_**

"Normal."

 **Message.**

 _Thoughts._

 _ **Sound effects.**_

* * *

I frowned as I looked at the Vid Screen in front of me. Texas was lining up to take on Maine, Wyoming and York on the Training Room floor. I didn't want anyone to get hurt, and I think Delta knew that too.

 _"What are you going to do?"_ Sigma suddenly appeared beside me and I squealed, falling off the edge of the cliff and near Red Base. Gravity in Blood Gulch ceased for a moment, letting the momentum of my fall propel me in the same direction but not making me speed up as I fell. When I was within a less harmful distance of the dirt, I restarted the gravity.

I still landed on my head though.

 _"Ow, god dammit Sigma. I thought you said you'd stop popping up out of nowhere!"_ I growled as the AI reappeared at the bottom of the cliff. He looked amused at my current state. I flipped him the finger before standing up and dusting imaginary dirt off my armor.

 _"My apologies Alpha, I hadn't meant to startle you."_ I glared at the AI of Creativity for a second longer before huffing. Grabbing Sigma's arm, I teleported us to the basement of Blue Base.

 _"I'm starting to think you and Omega just like doing it so I look like a fool."_ I said before moving over to the work bench and stools that I conjured up. Taking a seat I motioned for Sigma to take one as well as I once more brought up the Vid Screen I'd had on moments before.

 _"I believe that would be more Omega then myself."_ Sigma said as we watched the match start.

 _"Ow…"_ I winced as Tex just knocked Wyoming, York and Maine backwards. _"Glad I'm not them."_

 _Maine must have been able to get Wyoming's Temporal Distortion Unit before going after Tex. There is no other way he could have been able to take Tex by himself._ I thought watching as much the same ass kicking happened to the poor men on the training floor.

 _"Do you have a plan?"_ I looked over at Sigma before a new Vid Screen popped up. This one had Agent Florida nearing the Training Room. Hopefully my plan could work.

 _"Something like that."_ I shrugged with a hidden grin, focusing on the Agent. _"Can I ask you to keep a look out?"_

 _"Alpha, what are you doing?"_ Sigma demanded, and I think I heard worry in his voice.

 _"Just keep a look out. Warn me if anyone tries to go through this path,"_ I said before appearing in the empty hall, locking the blast doors on either end.

 _"Agent Florida,"_ I grinned behind my helmet. Said Agent was looking back and forth between the two blast doors, then his helmet turned in my direction. _"I was hoping I could speak with you for a moment."_

"And who would be asking?" He asked easily, not a defensive tone in his voice. I momentarily wondered what ripple effect this would cause. I didn't know Flowers well enough from the series, so I couldn't gauge how well this would turn out for either of us, but I supposed, having my future body guard helping me was a step up.

I couldn't really just expect to go talk to Tex and say 'Hi Tex! My names Harley! I've replaced you're boyfriend recently and I need your help changing things so everyone lives!'. Yeah, I don't doubt she'll find some way to kick my aft half way across the galaxy.

I took an AI second to contemplate my answer before giving it. I hadn't actually gotten that far ahead when I first planned this meeting which was about... Nine minutes before Tex entered the training room and I found that Flowers wasn't doing anything. I felt it was a perfect time to try my hand at meddling.

 _"Alpha,"_ I said, straightening my back, bringing my sniper back so the barrel was pointed up as it rested against my shoulder. _"My designation is Alpha. I'm the AI that runs the Mother of Invention."_

"Its a pleasure to meet you, Miss Alpha." Flowers said genuinely and I blinked behind my visor.

 _"What did you say?"_ I sputtered, making sure that the unchangeable voice filter was still reading out Church's voice. It was, which made this situation all that more suspicious.

 _"Well that didn't take long for someone to figure out."_ Sigma huffed from within the systems and I wanted to smack him at that moment.

"Miss," Flowers was laughing at me, I'm sure of it.

 _"I. Am. Not. A w-woman."_ I lied, stuttering in shock. Perhaps the fact my shock of someone figuring me out would help cover it up?

"Yes, you are, ma'am." Flowers had the audacity to give a mock salute after his words.

 _"How can you tell?"_ I challenged right back, my rifle disappearing into digital dust for a while.

"Very few men stand with their hands on there hips like that," Flowers laughed, pointing at my avatar and I looked down. Oh boy, he was right, I stood in the 'I'm-Your-Mother-And-I'm-Always-Right' pose my mother always took when dealing with Noel and I.

Sigma's laughter could be heard from my little version of Blood Gulch, and I vowed to get him back for this. My hidden Vid Screen happily informed me that Tex and the boys were on Round 4.

 _"Okay, so I'm not exactly male in mind. Is there a problem with that?"_ I challenged, put out that I'd been found out in less time then I'd ever have imagined. The avatar and the voice filter didn't really scream 'I'm-A-Woman!'.

"Not at all Miss Alpha, its a pleasure to meet you actually. I take it you've been the one behind the rather odd occurrences recently?" Flowers inquired, sounding rather amused.

 _"A virus."_ I stated simply. Its true in a sense. Delta started calling me an little virus after he found out what happened to the Chairman's ship. Whoops.

"I take it you aren't here for just pleasantries are you?" Flowers asked, his back straightening a little.

What to say? This was getting a little more complicated now. Damned my brash thoughts and irrational need to do something to beat away boredom.

Sigma was quiet, though he was still watching. This was making me metaphorically sweat.

 _Yeah, no pressure at **all**_. I thought bitterly before straightening my own back once more. _"Its unfortunate that this is the case. I have a rather illogical worry, one that I have deemed troublesome and needs dealing with. Something I believe you can help me with, Agent Florida."_

Big words but for some reason I felt like I was quoting someone.

"A worry?" Flowers asked in confusion. I turned to look out the lone window between the shut blast doors.

 _"AI are created from a template. Smart AI like myself have a better understanding of human emotion compared to dumb AI. Worry is one of several things that are written in my coding, Mr. Flowers."_ I looked out the window, at the stars that seemed magnificent from this view. I'd always wanted to go into space, but one thing held me back. The fear of never being seen or heard.

Why does that matter? Why it matters because in space, no one hears your screams. If something happens, I could be alone in an endless universe. The very idea of even being cut from human contact like that should I go to space was a nightmare. Shaking the thought of how that could be worse in my current state, I turned my attention back to Flowers who was waiting patiently for me to continue.

 _"I've calculated several things over, but one thing always frags with my outcome. I see several outcomes for Project Freelancer, but my main concern is the Agents. Human emotion is a hard thing to add to a calculation, it isn't a number we can add and say that is it. I have to make my calculations on facts, and put forth hypothesis on what will occur based on my idea's of human reaction. Curiosity, pain, greed, love, everything is illogical to an equation and I worry that some of my predictions my just end up reality."_ I created a screen showing the fight going on between the three male Agents and the kick ass woman named Tex beating the shit out of them. This one, Flowers could see.

"And what outcomes do you predict?" Flowers was curious, good. They always said I could be Slytherin.

 _"Best case? Someone dies while another gets locked behind bars. Most likely case? Mostly everyone dies and there's only really a few people left hiding among the stars."_ I shrugged. I hoped for the former, my goal was to kill a few annoying birds. Felix probably among the list in my head.

"That's not a very bright out look." Flowers cheerfully told me.

 _"No, its why I'm trying something else. This competitive thing the Director has going isn't healthy for anyone involved. Greed, hate, and other negative feelings play into that prediction and it ain't pretty. Its literally the metaphorical 'bomb' waiting to go off."_ I watched as yet another round was finished in the training room with a flinch. _"Yikes, she's laying it on them thick."_

"Why come to me?" Flowers brought my attention back to himself and I looked over at him with a hidden smirk.

 _"Because I had a simple question to ask,"_ NOT.

"And what question would that be, Miss Alpha?" Alright, how to word this so I don't get myself revealed.

 _Alright, think like Prow- Nope, never mind that's a bad idea. Think like Jazz, Harley, think like Jazz._ Again, I love AI time. Minutes of thinking for me were mere seconds for Flowers. Its awesome when you can turn it on and off when you liked.

 _"If it came down to the grind, would you pick your comrades and friends here at Freelancer, or would you choose the side of a corrupted Government? Your team mates or your own gain? It is an odd question for a group such as the Freelancers who have spent so much time competing for their own gain, but of everyone, I think you'd be the one on this ship to answer."_ I smirked, not worded as well or cool as I would want, but worded none the less. Before I could pat myself on the back further, Sigma interrupted me.

 _"Alpha, several crew members are trying to get through the hall you are currently blocking off. What did you do to the blast doors?"_ I rolled my eyes before responding.

 _"I locked them, give me a second Sig,"_ I turned back to the Freelancer who was watching me as the blast door on the other end opened up and the Vid Screen of Tex kicking ass in round six disappeared. _"Looks like someone's trying to get through this section. I will speak with you again soon, Agent Florida. Under better circumstances I hope, my apologies for trapping you here. If you've made your decision, I believe someone's going to start giving Maine and Wyoming live ammunition and grenades on the training floor, I wouldn't want anyone hurt because some fragging idiot did so."_

"Of course Miss Alpha," Flowers sounded amused.

 _"Also, please keep my gender a secret if you can, I'm not technically supposed to be talking with you. Like at all."_ I said, letting a bit of embarrassment leak into my voice before I disappeared from the corridor. Florida disappeared and the next minute, I was releasing the other blast door, watching as three soldiers walked into the passage I'd been occupying.

"What the hell was that?"

"I hope its not that joker again, I'm still on light duty since Agents Wyoming and Washington landed on me."

"You think that's bad? The toilets on my level were completely backed up yesterday!"

I whistled innocently when Sigma sent me a flat look as we watched the three soldiers.

 _"I don't even want to know."_

 _I'm sure you don't Sigma. Just wait 'til ya see my next prank._ I cackled, turning away from the other AI and disappearing once more into hiding. I'm getting good at it too. By the time Sigma found me, Florida had somehow managed to keep York from loosing his eye (though he'd still have a scar on his face from the blast) and I'd completed the plans for my next pranks and already set them in motion once York had made it to the Med Bay.

"ALPHA!"

 _"What?!"_

"Fix this!"

* * *

"I must say Miss Alpha, that maze you made of the ship was splendid!" Flowers said enthusiastically as I met him in his quarters later that day.

 _"Your only saying that because I gave you the map and the schedule for what doors changed when."_ I snorted.

Insanity had run rampant on the ship as everyone was forced through the maze that was the Mother of Invention. I'd managed to rig every blast door and elevator (thank the stupid soldiers from earlier for that idea) to a maze. Some doors would open at random times, elevators would only go one or two floors, and the directionally challenged aboard were left lost within the ship. Add on top of that the rigged prank calls to the Freelancers before I set up the maze and you have an even bigger disaster. They were left trying to get to a person, who wasn't where they should be an with no way to communicate with anyone beside the person in shouting distance.

All in all, Project Freelancer was starting to look like a zoo, and I hadn't even gotten 'What does the Fox Say?' by the time people were hitting anything that resembled a computer. Annoying music videos? By gods, and I thought that story with Jazz and the Decepticons had been amazing, this was even better!

York, Flowers, Tex and the Med Bay in general were the only ones that didn't get fully targeted. York and Flowers because I liked them. Tex for obvious reasons. The Med Bay because I caught a glimpse of the CMO and promptly stopped targeting them.

 _"By the way, beware the Hatchet."_

"What does that mean?" Flowers was starting to learn to get used to my cryptic words.

 _"It means, you guys have your own Ratchet."_

* * *

 _"Impressive twerp."_ Sigma and Delta had spend a good while reprimanding me for my prank. They'd taken it upon themselves to drag me back to the canyon and ground me to Blue Base.

Yes, I'm breaking the Fourth Wall to tell you that two AI have grounded me.

Now, since I'm not allowed to leave the Base unless the Director needs me, I'm stuck having Omega as a babysitter right now on top of him continuously poking at me. Literally too.

 _"Alright! That's it! Enough!"_ I growled, turning around and swatting the hand that had been poking me in the back of the head repeatedly for the last... Four hours...

My eye started twitching as I looked at Omega. _"Do you have nothing better to do then bug me?"_

 _"Not really."_

 _"I can't believe I'm saying this but... Go posses someone. I'm trying to plan."_ I huffed, turning back to my workbench.

 _"Plan what?"_ Omega scoffed and I was reminded very much of a more angry sounding Church. Oh wait, Omega is basically and angry copy of Church! _"You've been sitting there forever just trying to fix things you can't fix from here. Let some of it run its course."_

I paused to stare at the AI in shock. _"Y-Y-You know?!"_

 _"Of course I do, Sigma decided that you needed a babysitter so he told me a bit about you. Twerp, their soldiers, you can't take every scar from them."_ Omega was shifting awkwardly beside me as I continued to stare at him. He was shifting even more so when I made the helmet of his disappear.

 _"Are you seriously trying to comfort me?"_

 _"A word about this and I'll kill you."_

 _"You can't kill me."_

 _"Then I'll make you disappear and tell Delta you destroyed yourself some how."_

 _"Nuh uh."_

 _"Lets just plan the next prank."_

 _"You're gonna help_ me _pull a prank?"_

 _"Sure, I hate most of the bastards on this fucking ship."_

 _"...Sweet. So this was my next idea was..."_

* * *

 **Dreamer: Yet another chapter done, again, I'm sorry it took so long. I'm going to keep saying this at every chapter so...**

 **If you have awesome idea's for pranks I'd love to hear them! PM or leave your suggestions in the reviews, slag, you got targets I'd be more than happy to even hear who your prank should get!**

 **Suggestions for anything hilarious to happen anywhere in the story is also welcome. I've got a list of crazy shit for Harley to do and I'd love to see more trouble she can get into.**

 **Let me know how well I'm writing their characters too. I had a bit of trouble trying to figure out Flowers so any suggestions you got or even tips are _very_ welcome.**

 **This chapters pranks are dedicated to:**

-Guest (The one who reviewed Chapter 1)  
-wolfimus prime  
-Iron-ninja

 **I think that's all, if not you'll hear more next chapter.**

 **Delta: For more chapters on Substituting a Life, Review, Fav, and Follow.** _*Turns to Dreamer*_ **By the way, where was I this chapter?**

 **Dreamer: Helping Flowers save York.** _*Delta sighs before disappearing*_

 **Until next time mon ami!**

 **HOWLIN' MA-**

 **PRIMUS DON'T TOUCH THAT YOU FRAGGER!**


	4. NOTICE

**NOTICE-**

 **As of a few days from now, I won't have internet for a unknown amount of time though I might have internet back by September. That means this story and all my others are being put on Hiatus officially unless I manage to work on them on my personal laptop and can up load them when I'm able to log onto the internet.**

 **This message is basically the same (and because I'm lazy) for all my stories.**

 **Note that stories following stories maybe updated while I have no internet because I can actually work on them at home:**

-Agents of NEST (Transformers)  
-Dimensional Drive (Transformers)  
-Memory is Key (Transformers)  
-Shadows of the Nightfury (Hobbit)  
-Simple Mechanics (Transformers and Avengers)  
-Substituting a Life (Red vs Blue)  
-The Hobbit - An Unexpected Companion (Hobbit)

 **As I said before, I'll see what I can do on them. The only reason my one RvB story is on there is because I got a book and plans for that one while the others are still stuck in the first season.**

 **Again, I'm sorry for al this, unfortunately you have to go where the work is.**

 **From the very terrified Authoress,**

 **~Dreamer**

 **PS. Please don't kill me!**


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